No Bleepin' Way...

Texas is the land of barbecues. When we were looking at houses we'd see these places with patios that had barbecues the size of Hondas built into them.

You go to the supermarket and it's like they have a separate parking lot just for the barbecues for sale out front -- note: this is a supermarket, where you buy avocados and such.

Anyway, I'm doing some barbecuing lately since, you know, it allows me to cook meals that consist entirely of meat, and I've been using the instant-light brand of charcoal since, you know, I stink at this whole outdoors-y thing. But instant-light charcoal is, I figure, about 30% jet fuel, and, what's worse, the left over bits of charcoal are 0% jet fuel, and, thus, not instant-light-able at all. So I wind up with not only a lot of left over ash, but all these small charcoal fragments that a real Texan could make use of, but not me.

Until the CHIMNEY.

The chimney is a, well here's a picture:

You put your charcoal in the top, stuff two half-pieces of newspaper in the bottom, then light the paper.

Supposedly that magically transforms the miniscule amount of heat you get out of two half-pieces of newspaper into something that ignites formerly inert black stuff.

I thought, after lighting the paper and seeing its pitiful flame and way too much smoke, that I'd certainly be going to the pub for fish and chips tonight.

17 minutes later and go back outside and the (used, mind you!) charcoal is gloriously a-glow.